


Please Hold On

by glassphoenix



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Whump, i thought i posted this already but apparently im dummy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-11
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2020-12-07 21:30:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20982674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glassphoenix/pseuds/glassphoenix
Summary: Markus doesn’t think he’s ever seen so much blood.





	Please Hold On

Markus doesn’t think he’s ever seen so much blood. The bullet must have struck closer to Connor’s heart than he thought. Blood keeps welling from the wound faster than Markus can get rid of it; his jacket is too soaked to keep doing its job, but there’s nothing else around. His hands are coated liberally in blood.

Connor’s blood.

_Fuck._

The realization hits Markus with a wave of despair and panic. “I-I can’t…I can’t stop it. Connor, what do I do? It won’t stop!”

The only answer he gets is Connor’s shallow breathing. His face is pale as a sheet, his eyes glazed over as he tries and fails to focus on Markus’ face.

“Is…is it just me or is everything around us going white?” Connor giggles. He sounds loopy, like he’s just coming down from some heavy anesthetic. It’s so far removed from his usual temperament. Markus would probably find it fascinating if Connor wasn’t actively bleeding out.

Connor’s eyes unfocus and drift up to the ceiling again. The fear sitting in Markus’ stomach like lead grows exponentially. “Connor?” Markus snaps his fingers in front of Connor’s face. “Connor, hey, stay with me…”

“Markus…” Connor whispers. He coughs to clear his throat, only to trigger a coughing fit that has him wincing in pain. “Will you be sad when I die?”

Markus shakes his head, like that will erase the possibility of Connor’s death. “What sort of question is that? Listen, you are _not_ going to die. I swear it. We’ll get you some help, okay? Hank is on the way, we’ll get you to a hospital.”

Connor chuckles again. “I almost forgot about Dad. Damn it, this is gonna kill him.”

“No one is going to die! Connor, you can’t die, okay? Come on, please stay…”

“I can’t, Markus. I’ve lost too much blood already.”

“Then try to bleed slower, goddammit!”

Some higher part of Markus’ brain knows he’s speaking irrationally, that they both know Connor is a goner, but he refuses to accept it. Every reminder of Connor’s injury is like a knife being twisted in Markus’ gut; he’d rather die himself than see Connor in pain like this. Watching Connor die is like feeling a part of himself die, and he’s just fucking giggling about it.

“What is it?”

“I’ve never seen you cry this much before. It’s like when we watched that movie where the main girl sacrificed herself at the end and I kept crying for, like, an hour after the movie ended.” Connor laughs again. “I guess we’re even now, right?”

“What the hell is wrong with you?!”

“It’s okay,” Connor insists. “Markus, it’s okay. I’m ready for this. Don’t go thinking this is your fault, because it’s not.”

“I… How can you say that?”

Because it _is_ Markus’ fault. It’s his fault for not resisting more when Connor swore to protect him. It’s his fault for not taking the bullet. It’s his fault for not pushing him out of the way, for not calling an ambulance faster. It’s his fault because he wasn’t there when it mattered.

“I’m really cold right now.”

“Connor…”

“Shit,” Connor breathes, grinning weakly. “You wanna know the most pathetic thing? I just realized I’m going to die…without ever kissing anyone. I-I mean if I’ve gone twenty-five years without having my first kiss, I must have done _something_ wrong, y’know?”

Markus thinks Connor told him about that at some point. He covers Connor’s hand with his and opens his mouth to speak, but the words die on his tongue. Connor’s skin is shockingly cold, but his blood is still warm, and Markus can’t decide which sensation is worse.

He stays there for a moment, frozen, before Connor speaks again. “Markus, would you…kiss me?”

Markus’ heart seizes at the words. “Excuse me?”

“You don’t have to. I just…” Connor’s eyes fall to Markus’ lips in a movement that Markus isn’t sure is intentional. “…I wonder what it feels like.”

“Connor, I don’t…understand…”

“You don’t understand me asking you to kiss me?”

“No, I just–”

“Then what’s stopping you?”

A lot of things, Markus is sure, but all his thoughts have seemingly dried up. It feels like he’s watching Connor through water; and not just because he’s crying.

The truth is he’s thought of kissing Connor…more than once before. It’s been getting harder to ignore as of late. It seems like there’s too much tension between them, so many things left unsaid, and Markus isn’t sure how much of it he’s just imagining.

Before he can think about it any further, Markus leans down and presses his lips to Connor’s. He wants to kiss him so urgently, try to carry across all the things he never said, try to commit the feeling of Connor’s lips to memory.

But he won’t. Not like this. He can’t do that to Connor when he’s so close to slipping away.

The kiss is gentle, almost unbearably careful compared to the rapid beating of Markus’ heart. Connor barely manages to reciprocate. They break away reluctantly.

“Hah…Markus just kissed me…” Connor says giddily.

“Uh…yeah. Yeah, I did.”

Connor smiles, humming fondly. “Your lips are so soft. It’s…not what I expected.”

“Yeah, me neither.”

For a moment, Connor looks so peaceful, staring up at the ceiling dazedly. Markus’ hand is still resting over Connor’s, so he squeezes and leans closer, close enough to notice tears shining in Connor’s eyes. When he blinks, they spill down his face. There’s something indescribable and forlorn in those eyes.

“…Connor?”

As if a switch has been flipped, Connor bursts into tears. He pries Markus’ hand open to lock their fingers together, squeezing with all the energy he has. “Why, Markus?” he sobs. “I thought– Fuck, I was ready to die, but…but now…damn it, I…I don’t want to die!”

Watching Connor choke on his own sobs is its own torture. There’s nothing Markus can do except hold his hand and choke out, “Connor!”

Connor’s other hand rests over his chest– his wound. “I don’t…want to die… N-No, I want to be with you, Markus… I should’ve said it sooner…”

“W-What?”

Connor looks right into Markus’ eyes with such fear and sorrow that it just about destroys him. “I want to be with you, always… I love you, Markus… An-And now…now it’s too late…to…”

His bawling comes to a stop just as his words do. Markus realizes too late that the life has almost entirely drained from Connor’s face. “No, no…! Connor, please hold on! …C-Connor? Connor!”

When Markus next opens his eyes, everything is dark. His back hurts, and he’s cold. The sticky, poisonous feeling of blood on his hands is gone.

He remembers now; he insisted to sleep in the hospital, but the cots they keep for guests aren’t the best. If he squints, he can make out the sliver of light from the crack beneath the door.

It was a dream. A really fucked up nightmare about kissing his best friend and then watching him fucking _die–-___

_ _Markus sits bolt upright, blinking and praying for his eyes to adjust to the darkness. _Connor._ He has to know if Connor is alright. He has to know he hasn’t been taken away for surgery, or worse._ _

_ _Once he’s adjusted to the lackluster amount of light, he sees Connor in the hospital bed next to him. His eyes are closed – completely unresponsive – and his chest and shoulder are bandaged up._ _

_ _He knows he shouldn’t, but Markus nudges Connor anyway. “Hey, Connor?”_ _

_ _When Connor begins to stir, Markus feels the weight of the world fall off his shoulders. “Huh? What is it?”_ _

_ _Markus tries not to sigh as heavily as he wants to. “Nothing. I just wanted to make sure you were…alright.”_ _

_ _Connor stares right at Markus, his face unreadable. “Did you have a nightmare or something?”_ _

_ _“Uh…ye-yes.”_ _

_ _“About what?”_ _

_ _Markus wants to give him the whole truth. Dreams often reflect reality in some way, and if this one had any literal meaning, it’s probably _‘confess your feelings before the man you love takes two bullets to the chest and_ doesn’t _survive’_._ _

_ _He could say it right now. He could confess and get it out of the way; let Connor reject him now so he can get over it sooner. But this probably isn’t the best time to spring something like that on him._ _

_ _“It was nothing, really. I just, uh…” Markus takes a breath, willing himself to stop shaking. “You mean a lot to me, man. I don’t like seeing you hurt.”_ _

_ _Connor hums. “Same here.”_ _

_ _Neither of them speak for a moment. “Connor?”_ _

_ _“Yes?”_ _

_ _“When you recover…like, when you get out of here, we should do something together. Go out for lunch, take a walk, something like that.”_ _

_ _Connor leans back in his bed and yawns. “I know a place with a good view of the harbor.”_ _

_ _“Sounds good.” Markus hesitates before adding, “Goodnight, then. Sorry for waking you.”_ _

_ _“Don’t worry about it. Goodnight, Markus.”_ _

_ _Markus lays back down, rolling onto his side and trying to go back to sleep with one thing in mind;_ _

_ _When Connor recovers, he has to tell him how he really feels. For his own sake, if nothing else._ _

**Author's Note:**

> please leave kudos if you liked this i thrive on validation


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